4 Years ago

At this time four years ago I was..... tired, anxious, excited, scared, impatient, hopeful, achy, happy,...I was pregnant with my first baby. This baby inside me already had a name, Dorian. A baby boy that we didn't know yet, that we could only dream about. We had no idea that the next day a little human being would come into our lives, and turn out to be our purpose, motivation, center of our world, our beginning. 

    He was such a good baby, so calm and peaceful. He was wide eyed and was always looking around, taking things in. Everyone knew he was going to be so smart. He grew very quickly out of the newborn phase. He loved to eat and was very healthy, and chunky.=) 

    Before we knew it he was a toddler walking around, exploring, before he even turned one. He was so curious and in awe of everything new exposed to him. He loved his mama when he was hungry, or tired, or needed to be held. He loved his dada when he wanted to go outside, explore on walks, car rides or shopping trips which always ended in bringing a special, new toy home. He loved building blocks, cuddling, watching sesame street in the morning, and staying up past his bedtime..which we didn't really enforce=).

 His terrible twos were hardly terrible, as he tried to figure out things by himself, like talking, making his own artwork, and what different buttons did what on the remote controllers and computers. His walks with daddy turned into lessons, with him pointing to everything wanting to know what it all was. "What dat?", "daddy! whats dat?!" He was taking it all in, recording everything.

He went from being our one and only, to a big brother. He accepted that role with open arms as we placed his new baby sister into them. You could tell he already knew her..and he was soo happy she was finally here.

    Three. He was such a little grown up. Testing his limits and our patience. He made sure we knew he was still there, when baby sister was being a little too cute, by turning up his volume. And just in case there was a chance that you didn't hear him he would repeat himself. His independence grew as we sent him off to his first day of preschool. He was the only three year old in his class that already knew all his letters and after one activity page of tracing, had it perfected. 

 But perfection or advancement is not what I pushed, or even wanted. He advanced a little too quickly for me. My baby boy was suddenly too cool, and too old for me to call him baby. "Mama,(at least he still calls me  that!), I'm not your baby anymore, I'm your kid, you can't call me that", as he wipes my kiss off his cheek. The kid that wants to go somewhere with just daddy, "just the boys mama". That wants to brush his teeth by himself, and buckle his car seat by himself. 

 But, after daddy has left for work, and Kailey is still sleeping, that kid still curls up next to me on the couch and cuddles as we watch Max and Ruby...again.
  My three year old. The one that is in my bed as I type this. Was too excited to fall asleep tonight. He knows what tomorrow is. He knows how old he is turning, and that when he wakes up he will be four. He already told me that not long after he turns four he will be five. But I told him not to think about being five yet. I told him he just needs to be four.....for a long time! 

Happy Birthday baby Dorian

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